One night, I sat in my car outside my own house with the engine off, not quite ready to go inside. The night before, I had shouted at my two kids for not going to bed on time. It didn’t call for shouting, and I wasn’t proud of myself. That’s usually when the question turns up. So what makes a good father, really? Not the version printed on the card. The version you can hold yourself against on an ordinary Tuesday. After years of getting this wrong in front of witnesses, here’

When my kids were little, I had a three-times rule: if I had to repeat myself twice, my voice changed on the third. It got louder, sharper, and sounded a lot like my father’s. There was no specific reason for my reaction. It could be a missed bedtime, late for school, clean up your room. If it is something I wanted done, and it wasn’t being done, then that was a problem. My kid finally would do it, with a lowered head and no smile. That would follow me for the balance of the