I started looking last December. It is September now. That puts me about nine months in. A recruiter told me at the start it would take six to nine months. I remember thinking that number sounded insane. It was not insane. It was accurate. I am writing this the way I would say it to a friend across a lunch table, because I have had that lunch a few times now, usually with another dad who just got the news that his role was eliminated and is trying to figure out where the floo

Work life balance for dads is not a 50/50 split. It is deciding, on purpose, what gets less of you this season, so the thing that matters most gets your attention instead of your leftovers. For about six years, I did it the hard way: replaying the day on the drive home, deciding I had fallen short, promising tomorrow would be different, then doing it all again. One evening at work, it hit me that staying later would not finish everything. There would always be more work than

Being a present dad means giving your kids your actual attention inside the hours you already have. It is not a scheduling problem. Twenty minutes, where you are, beats a whole evening where your body is on the couch and your head is still writing an email. For years, I thought my job was the obstacle. If I could just get home earlier, I figured I would become the dad I wanted to be. Then I got what I wanted: 18 months of working from home during the pandemic before returning

When my kids were little, I had a three-times rule: if I had to repeat myself twice, my voice changed on the third. It got louder, sharper, and sounded a lot like my father’s. There was no specific reason for my reaction. It could be a missed bedtime, late for school, clean up your room. If it is something I wanted done, and it wasn’t being done, then that was a problem. My kid finally would do it, with a lowered head and no smile. That would follow me for the balance of the

I was on a call with someone earlier this week and my son came to my home office. We had glass in the doors, so we made eye contact. I still had 10 minutes on a 30-minute call, so I waved to him that I needed a few more minutes. When I got done, I left my office and looked for him. He had already left. Most likely, he just wanted to tell me he was heading out with friends for lunch and doing some shopping. But I couldn’t take two minutes to stop…make him the priority…and list

I didn't think dad mental health applied to me until I found myself sitting in the at a stop light, it turned green, but it took the driver behind me and his horn to make me realize. Nothing was wrong on paper. Great kids. A fun job. A wife who put up with me. But I was running on empty and pretending I wasn't. This is a real father's guide to staying sane, written by a dad who got it wrong for a while before he got some of it right. I'm not a therapist and I'm not a doctor.