One night, I sat in my car outside my own house with the engine off, not quite ready to go inside. The night before, I had shouted at my two kids for not going to bed on time. It didn’t call for shouting, and I wasn’t proud of myself. That’s usually when the question turns up. So what makes a good father, really? Not the version printed on the card. The version you can hold yourself against on an ordinary Tuesday. After years of getting this wrong in front of witnesses, here’

When my kids were little, I had a three-times rule: if I had to repeat myself twice, my voice changed on the third. It got louder, sharper, and sounded a lot like my father’s. There was no specific reason for my reaction. It could be a missed bedtime, late for school, clean up your room. If it is something I wanted done, and it wasn’t being done, then that was a problem. My kid finally would do it, with a lowered head and no smile. That would follow me for the balance of the

I was on a call with someone earlier this week and my son came to my home office. We had glass in the doors, so we made eye contact. I still had 10 minutes on a 30-minute call, so I waved to him that I needed a few more minutes. When I got done, I left my office and looked for him. He had already left. Most likely, he just wanted to tell me he was heading out with friends for lunch and doing some shopping. But I couldn’t take two minutes to stop…make him the priority…and list

A strong father-son relationship isn't built in one big moment. It's built in a hundred small ones, most of which you'll forget by dinner. I didn't really understand that when my first son was born. I thought there would be some obvious handoff, and one day he'd look at me a certain way and I'd know we were solid. It was the first few days he was home, and we just sat on the couch watching the Yankees vs Boston baseball game. He slept perfectly on my chest. I think we both to

The best weekend activities for dads and kids don't need a screen, a big budget, or a plan you booked three weeks ago. They need you, an hour, and enough willingness to look a little ridiculous in the backyard. My son was watching a Youtuber build box forts on his pool. We weren't that courageous, but we had some extra boxes from the move. One Saturday we built a box fort in the media room, it had a bedroom, lighting, multiple windows, and a door. That's the stuff my kids sti

I didn't think dad mental health applied to me until I found myself sitting in the at a stop light, it turned green, but it took the driver behind me and his horn to make me realize. Nothing was wrong on paper. Great kids. A fun job. A wife who put up with me. But I was running on empty and pretending I wasn't. This is a real father's guide to staying sane, written by a dad who got it wrong for a while before he got some of it right. I'm not a therapist and I'm not a doctor.